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Isn’t there something powerful about predictability? In an uncertain world, that we live in, predictability in our routines is comforting and stabilizing. And when you are an overwhelmed parent with children, the significance of it just amplifies 1000 times.
When I became a mother, I had no support – no book, no mentor, a sick mother, and not so useful mother-in-law.
I knew what I wanted but I did not know how. I wanted to be an excellent manager – managing the needs of my children, my husband’s, my household and also mine all along with keeping my sanity, feeling happy and content. It seemed like a lot and like I would never get there.
But as I began to observe (one of my biggest learnings from RIE)- my child and also myself, I started to notice a pattern that had soon developed into a routine, day after day which became more and more predictable.
There was a pattern to when I felt most energetic, to when my baby was most cooperative, to when I would be sleepy and my baby as well.
With 1000 of things on my daily to-do-list, when I knew what I can do when and how, that empowered me. I gained a sense of immense control over my life and my job as a mother and a homemaker, which boosted my confidence. Have you heard practice makes perfect?
Infact, some started calling me a supermom, to which I smirked and thought I just do the same things at the same time over and over again, day after day. Sometimes I reevaluate and make changes as per what suits my life best.
How to create a Routine
So, if you are a new mom and have a brand-new baby, focus 2/3rd of your energy into meeting your baby’s basic needs, (food, rest and hygiene) and the other 1/3rd focus on observing your baby and yourself. Ask yourself these questions
- How do I feel?
- When do i have the most energy?
- When does my baby wakeup?
- How long does he sleep?
- What does he do immediately upon waking up?
- What signals hunger?
- What signals change of diaper?
- When are the times he is content and loves to play?
- Is there a pattern to his day?
What a Routine will look like
With babies the pattern is generally eat-play-sleep. Feed your baby when he wakes up, let him play for some time and when he shows signs of sleep, put him too bed.
Incorporate other activities of the baby, when he is awake, fed and content, his bath for example. Sleep while your baby is sleeping, at least take 1 nap so that you feel recharged. and include your activities either when he is sleeping or when he is awake, and playful and in a safe area. (A bed with a bed rail for example)
Do the same things at the same time every day, telling your baby what you are doing, so he starts predicting his day with you.
After a few days reevaluate your day and incorporate changes if needed. Soon you will find a rhythm and the extraordinary ways in which it boosts your confidence. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself thinking/ murmuring “I can do This”.
With toddlers and older children, making and sticking to predictable routines is that much easier and beneficial.
With my five-year-old, our days have become so predictable that I do not even have to say anything anymore. There is a natural flow throughout our day from one activity to another. The routine is so detailed and repetitive it is almost mugged up by each one of us now.
My 1-year-old is very well aware that she plays on bed while I bath my 5-year-old after he’s back home from school. He dresses up, I serve lunch and we wash hands together before we sit to eat. I put my younger one’s bib, serve food to both, feed the younger one while my elder eats by himself.
After their lunch is done, I wash their hands and I eat, while my kids play. After I eat, I clean up the table, load the dishwasher and finish some kitchen works, all while my kids are playing. This is followed by a nap. I rest with them as well for around 40 minutes – it helps me in getting my energy back.
What follows in the evening is again -yes predictable and repetitive. What it does is it not only makes all of us active participants but also makes it fun, empowering and gives a sense of security to every member of my family.
The day ends with our favorite activity – chit chat about what we did today at bedtime – A recap of what happened during the day. (Another excellent suggestion from Magda Gerber). It is again the same thing each day, with a few changes, but we still love it and look forward to it every night. I sing them a song (an amateurish self-made one, which my son lovesssssss)
After a long predictable day, we close our eyes, knowing really well what the next day will look like. Sometimes I feel even my blinks and yawns are the same each day :).
Maybe a predictable day looks boring and silly to you, but I can vouch for its benefits for any mother who’s managing a lot. Things will not only get done, but will be done in an environment that’s joyful, peaceful and OfCourse predictable. Trust me, mothers’ predictability is your friend.
Until my next one, share your delights, pains and surprises of parenting