Parenting might seem easy, it is not. Safe to say it is one of the toughest jobs in the world. When I became a parent 5 years ago, i did know nothing.
I felt like this baby was thrust onto my “shoulders” or lap (quite literally) to take care of, when I hadn’t grown enough, I was a child inside a 30 something body.
So naturally I was petrified and a stress ball for several months. All I knew was that I had to take care of this adorable little person, without any kind of support and without a single clue.
Then one morning when my husband left for work, my baby was sleeping and while I was sipping tea watching birds chirping on my balcony, I thought to myself how do birds raise their offspring (a weird thought I know).
But what brought me to this thought was my admiration of how they raise their little chicks, naturally, authentically and lovingly (without yelling, threats and rewards) into independent, strong resilient birds who one day become confident enough to spread their wings and take flight.
Can you imagine the level of confidence that would require to drop yourself from a height without knowing if you can do it.
Quite similar to the confidence a baby needs when he has to take his first step. So, I began googling and somehow, I landed on Magda Gerber’s philosophy of RIE (resources for infant education) parenting through Janet Lansbury’s work.
What is the RIE method of Parenting and how it empowers you?
The RIE method focuses on treating your baby as little as 1 day old as a whole human being and not an object.
I began reading through her ideas on child rearing and it immediately resonated. We all know that babies have needs, but through RIE I found out that babies have thoughts and feelings too and a need to be respected, and trusted.
Out of her several amazing quotes, the ones that really stuck out for me were….
“let your child’s inner joy be his motivation” this wowed me and gave me clarity that I really did not need to entertain my baby.
I can let him play, while I watch and observe him from a distance. What I discovered was really eye opening – while my baby played, he rarely ever looked at me.
He would focus on his toys or observe something for minutes at end, without getting distracted or bored.
He was independent and just content with what he was doing. His motivation came from his intrinsic curiosity and joy of discovering something and I wanted to foster that.
I can safely say that this became my primary goal as a mother. Just as I wanted to love and adore my child more than anything I wanted him to be intrinsically motivated and not seek or do things for outside validation.
Her other famous quote “Earlier is not better” gave me encouragement to wait, wait and wait as my little boy grew at his own pace, owning and mastering his every milestone according to his own schedule, when he was ready.
It really allowed me to see and enjoy my child where he was instead of worrying about where he wasn’t, which is the case when we don’t trust and follow the book.
Another one “meet the needs of your baby, put your phone aside and leave the baby alone” gave me permission to put my baby down away from my body in a safe area once his needs were met.
I did not have to carry him everywhere with me, multitasking or stressing. It gave me the confidence that not only did I need as a mother, but more than me my baby needed to thrive.
Soon my baby learnt that it is ok for him to be alone for periods of time here and there, in fact he can enjoy playing or day dream do whatever he wanted to do and if he needed me for something, he can call out for me and I will come.
There is so much more that I learned through RIE. In fact, the more I started understanding and practicing this approach the easier it became for me.
I 100% vouch for this approach and I am here to testify that I have tried and adopted the Rie approach to raise my children, (now i have 2) foyears now, and after repeated doses, making several mistakes and corrections, I can tell you for sure that this method really works.
The RIE upbringing is for parents who want their children to be:
- Authentic
- Kind, gentle but assertive
- In tune with their feelings
- Intrinsically motivated (my elder one doesn’t need me to tell him to do his schoolwork…but that’s for another post)
- confident, resilient and responsible
- love to learn and observe
- feel good about themselves
- the list goes on,
But above all, it is for parents who want a relationship with their children that feels real, authentic and enjoyable. As Magda Gerber said “A positive goal to strive for when disciplining would be to raise children, we not only love but, in whose company, we love being.”
Until my next one, share your delights, pains and surprises of parenting